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BB tattoo..

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For B.B. King’s birthday, his wife wanted to give him a special gift. BB already had pretty much everything a person could want: money, fame, happiness. His wife decided to get “BB” tattooed on her butt, a “B” on each butt cheek.
On the birthday night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to show B.B. her gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, she bent over and pulled her pants down, revealing the tattoo on her butt!

B.B. put on his glasses and a yelled: “Who the Hell is BOB?”

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and that everything was picked up and tidy. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings’, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the School report that’s on the kitchen table.

DictionaryHere are some words you probably won’t find in any dictionary. Nevertheless, those words may turn out to be very handy 😉

  • Arachnoleptic Fit
    (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • Assmosis
    The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
  • BEELZEBUG
    (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 am in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • BLAMESTORMING
    Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible
    continue reading…

Domain NameChoosing a name for your website might be a bit more complicated than you think. Take a look at the following website names and try to avoid such pitfalls 🙂

www.americanscrapmetal.com
Really? Do Americans Crap Metal? Well, who knows, maybe some do, but the site’s name is American Scrap Metal.

www.expertsexchange.com
Expert Sex Change? Or perhaps Experts Exchange?

www.ipwine.com
IP Wine, the website of Ingleside Vineyards can easily be misread as “I pee wine; i.e. I urinate wine” continue reading…

Sperm

One human cell contains 75MB genetic information. *

One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.

One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.

In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.

This means that the throughput of a man’s member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Тerabyte/sec.

This means that the female eggcell withstands this DDoS attack at 1,5 terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!

The downside of it is that this only small data package that it lets through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!

* Numerical data provided in this excerpt is somewhat misleading, refer to wikipedia for more precise information about human genome 😉