A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. “Hello mate” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.”
“What?” exclaims the man, astonished.
“You heard, no Lawyers.”
“But, but, but, I’ve been a good man”, replies the Lawyer.
“Oh really”, says St. Peter. “What have you done, then?”
“Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starving children in Africa”.
“Oh” says St.Peter “anything else?”
“Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 dollars to the homeless.”
“Hmmm. Anything else?”
“Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 dollars to the Albanian orphans.”
“Okay”, said St. Peter, “You wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.” Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, “I’ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here’s your thirty dollars back, now fuck off!”
Browsing Posts in Stories
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher “Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river”?
The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back “My son, you are on the other side”.
This is a story from A lighter side of Buddhism
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were:
The short story had to contain the following three things:
1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery
Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.
“Good God, I’m pregnant; I wonder who did it.”
Again, a story from stephen-knapp.com
A scientist approaches God, and says to Him, “Look, God, we don’t need you anymore. Nowadays, we can do all sorts of things that used to be considered miraculous. We can transplant organs, giving new life to a dying man, we can cure almost any disease, and we can even clone animals. It won’t be long, and we’ll be able to clone humans, too. So, I’m sorry, but you are just outdated”.
God listens patiently to the scientist and says, “I can see that you believe you don’t need me, and I understand. However, I love you, and I don’t want to see you make a big mistake, so why don’t we make sure? I say we should have a man-making contest, just to be sure.
The scientist replies, “I’ll take that challenge”. So, God says, “Ok, let’s do it the way I did it in the old days, with Adam and Eve”. The scientists says, “No problem”, and reaches down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
“Whoa, hold on there a minute”, God says. “You get your OWN dirt”.
Check these out… these are actual cases. When you think that things are not going your way… it could be worse.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
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