shit happensTAOISM Shit happens.

CONFUCIANISM Confucius say, “Shit happens”.

ZEN (What is the sound of shit happening?)

JESUITISM If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

COMMUNISM Equal shit happens to all people.

CATHOLICISM Shit happens because you are bad.

PSYCHOANALYSIS Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY Shit happens if you’re on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM Maybe shit happens. Let’s have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM Let this shit happen to someone else.

JUDAISM Why does shit always happen to US?

REFORM JUDAISM Got any Kaopectate?

MYSTICISM What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM What is this shit?

ATHEISM I don’t believe this shit!

NIHILISM Who needs this shit?

AZTEC Cut out this shit!

QUAKER Let’s not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM No shit??

12-STEP I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEWAGE Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM Shit doesn’t happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM This shit has happened before.

WICCA Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY You don’t know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS Your mother gave you shit before your were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST No shit on Saturdays.

JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES No shit happens until Armageddon.

MOONIES Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA’I It’s all the same shit.

STOICISM This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM Our shit is good for you.

EST If my shit bothers you, that’s your fault.

REAGANISM Don’t move; the shit will trickle down.

FASCISM Shit makes the trains run on time.

CARGO CULT A barge will come and take all the shit away.

EMACS Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.

DISCORDIANISM Some funny shit happened to me today.

RASTAFARIANISM Let’s smoke this shit.